Something Profound Akatsuki crack
by ursweetheartless
Summary: Itachi's new partner tries to get him to open up a little and in the process an unnerving selfdiscovery is made. rated for language and attmitted disfunction. Kisame, Itachi


hey guys, dont own characters or anything 

**Something Profound**- (my first attempt at Akatsuki crack) 

The mission had been long, but it had ended with the relic sought after by Leader wrapped in clean linen and tucked safely into the traveling bags in the small hotel room Itachi and his partner shared. He had been ready to retire for the night, catch some sleep and head back, but instead Kisame had dragged his partner out to have some fun instead. Pale blue hands were clamped around Itachi's wrist as he tried to come up with some excuse to escape back to the relative sanctuary of their hotel. 

"We should get back to base as soon as possible, Kisame. We don't know what Leader wants with that scroll up there, maybe it's urgent." The shark man scoffed. 

"If it was urgent he would have told us before we left. We're three whole days ahead of schedule as it is, we deserve to take a little time off." Itachi flinched a little, and tried again. 

"I'm tired Kisame, this mission was stressful, I want to go back and take a nap." His partner shook his head. 

"Getting out of the room and getting some good entertainment will help you unwind better than any nap if you'd just relax and enjoy it. You're wound entirely too tightly Itachi." Itachi sighed. 

"But that scroll is obviously very valuable, someone should go back and guard it. Leader would be very displeased if it was stolen while we were out gallivanting somewhere." Kisame's fingers tightened on his flesh, and the man chuckled lightly, through dangerous looking tightly clenched teeth. 

"The scroll will be _fine_, everything will be fine, now if you don't shut up and relax, so help me gods I'm gonna rip this arm clean off..." 

There was a dangerous gleam in his partner's round, beady little eyes that made Itachi sure this wasn't an idle threat. He sighed heavily once again and resigned himself to a night of Kisame's idea of relaxing fun. 

X 

Kisame stared at his partner out of the corner of his eye, trying to gauge _exactly_ what was wrong with the man. They had been sitting in the smoky little tea house in the red light district for several hours now, and Itachi looked as distant and restrained as always. He was still nursing the same cup of green tea, to Kisame's 5 or 6 sake's, and it was getting on the shark man's nerves. His partner had remained oblivious to every pretty girl who had drifted over to the table, even the most open of propositions turned down emotionlessly. Kisame had even silently called over a couple of the more attractive male streetwalkers from outside, thinking maybe the man was just gay but nothing seemed to crack Itachi's cold shell. 

Kisame sighed and gave up, throwing down a stack of crumpled bills and rising, Itachi following him silently as always, happy to be going home. The shark man hunched over himself, shoving his hands into the pockets in the akatsuki robe he wore, brows heavy and knotted, sighing thickly in frustration. His partner was a fucking riddle he'd been trying to crack since they'd met. He was entirely too disciplined and rigid to be human, it was almost scary. The blue man knew there had to be some chink in Itachi's armor, some place he could get through the thick hide and see what was really inside the other man. God, Kisame needed another drink. 

He steered his partner into a small, grungy bar close to the hotel, silencing the protests once again with a sharp glare, screaming _you're gonna come in and sit down and drink with me and you're gonna fucking well like it._ Itachi didn't argue, just followed his partner, taking the warm sake Kisame pressed into his hands within moments of sitting down in a dark corner to the side. He knew what battles were important, and it was already late enough that he wouldn't get anything productive done even if he did escape. 

Itachi sighed heavily, downing the alcohol quickly, only to have another glass pressed in it's place. 

X 

It was several more glasses before Kisame worked up the nerve to turn to his new partner and actually voice the question that had been gnawing at the back of his mind ever since he'd met the man. He'd been watching Itachi from the corner of his eye all night trying to find any little sign or signal, but he kept coming up empty handed. He opened his mouth, rows of sharp teeth gleaming in the low light. 

"So what's your deal anyways, Itachi? What do you _do_? I mean, as far as I can tell you have no hobbies and you aren't attracted to anyone. I know you killed your entire family and went missing-nin on your village and all, but what the hell do you do with your life?" His words were slightly slurred, but it wasn't really noticeable. His tongue felt thick in his mouth and he wasn't sure if Itachi was going to answer for a second. The man just sat there silently, looking into the liquid in the glass before him like it was some ancient scrying tool that would give him the answers. There was a slight intake of breath, and Kisame was about to say something else, but Itachi spoke first. 

"Not _everyone_..." Kisame was confused for a second. His partner's voice was a good deal more slurred than his, but not to the point of impeding speech, just indicating the man was a bit drunker than usual. Itachi took another breath before continuing, "I didn't kill everyone, just everyone but Sasuke." His speech was lilting then, the rhythm a bit off, "The rest of them, they were weak, they would have died anyways really, I just did them a favor, saving them the trouble of wasting their lives away." Kisame processed for a minute, cocking his head sightly at this new information. 

"So, this Sasuke, he was strong?" Itachi smiled then, shaking his head slightly. 

"No, he really wasn't. At least not then, but someday he'll probably be stronger than me. I used to watch him train, he was so focused and bright. He's so much better now, too. Right before I left, that last time, I remember watching him, it's easy to sneak up on him still, he doesn't pay enough attention to his surroundings really." Itachi sighs a little, and Kisame starts at the small ghost of a smile on his partner's face. _I think I may have found that chink in this boy's armor_, he smirks quietly. This is the only time Itachi has showed any emotion. 

"Just curious, who is this Sasuke guy anyways?" He keeps his tone light and level, though he'd not sure Itachi's sober enough to tell at this point. He order's his partner another sake and leans back a little, nursing his own cup slowly, paying much more attention to Itachi now. 

"Sasuke is four or so years younger than me, always following me around when I was little. He used to ask endless streams of questions, and I would just poke him in the forehead and he would scowl, but it never really reached his eyes." Itachi was staring off into the mirror behind the bar now, twirling his glass absentmindedly in his hand. _Interesting, very interesting_, Kisame shifted in his seat, trying to put everything together from what he had, picking his next question carefully. He didn't want to lose this opportunity and risk Itachi turning clam, like he usually did. 

"Sounds like a good kid Itachi,-" then, with a wicked gleam in his eye, "- is he attractive?" The smirk creeps across his face at Itachi's protective scowl. He was on to something. He shrugged slightly. "Well, it's not like he's your boyfriend or anything, don't get uptight Itachi..." His partner's pale cheeks color slightly, and he scowls. 

"Try again, genius, he's my little brother." Kisame's eyebrow arches at this interesting tidbit of information. 

"Really now, well he must be _quite_ the attractive one yet. If he has actual human emotions that'd be quite the little package, eh? Maybe next time we swing by Konoha I'll take myself a little peek..." Itachi stiffens 

"Keep your hands to yourself, he's just a kid" 

"If he's only four years younger than you, he's a teenager. Thats when this shit happens, 'tachi." 

"Yeah, well not to him, at least not yet." 

"Oooo, an unspoilt flower, that sounds even better. I'm sure that won't last for long, not with the good looks _he_ must have. They're probably knocking down his door." There was a slight growl from the Uchiha, who was looking at his sake cup like he could make it explode with the pure force of his hatred. 

"Not if they know what's good for them they won't..." It was more of a muttering response, like talking to himself, but Kisame continued. 

"Mmm, but you're not there, you're of on missions. I bet those little high school boys have their hands down Sasuke-chan's pants right now." 

"FUCK, if anyone has the right to have their hands down that boy's pants it's ME." Then black eyes went wide, and a pale hand slapped over his mouth in shock. Kisame barely kept himself from shooting sake out his nose at the outburst. This was better entertainment than he ever could have hoped for. His smirk couldn't die now. 

"Really now, Itachi..." Kisame trained his eyes over at his partner, who sighed and slumped forwards slightly. He threw back the rest of his sake glumly. 

"Fuck. I - I didn't mean that. I mean ... fuck, I guess I did..." He closed his eyes and let his head loll forwards onto his crossed arms. Kisame put out one hand, tapping the other man on the shoulder gently, reassuring as he could be. 

"Now 'tachi, why all depressed all of a sudden?" Itachi chuckle darkly into his sleeve. 

"I just admitted to wanting to stick my hand down my little brother's pants, thats reason enough to be depressed. Fuck, I really meant it too. Thats fucked up..." Kisame was starting to think maybe the man had had too much to drink, because he wasn't amusingly snappy anymore, just resigned and depressed. 

"Now, now 'tachi, thats no reason to get all long in the face..." Itachi snorted indignantly. 

"I rather think it is Kisame. I want to fuck my own brother, my _little_ brother, thats pretty fucking sick. GOD, what am I, some sort of monster?" He sighed again then, the noise carrying too much angst for Kisame's liking. He grinned wryly at his partner out of the corner of his eye, revealing sharp rows of teeth. 

"Well, if you're a monster I guess you're in the perfect place, eh? International criminal syndicate like the Akatsuki?" Itachi didn't look convinced. He shook his head. 

"Yeah, but ... fuck ... _Sasuke_? I mean, I guess he _is_ pretty damn hot when you think about it, and he's a damn good ninja to boot. Not to mention the way his ass..." Itachi froze, staring at his reflection in the mirror behind the bar once again before he let his head drop, this time clunking loudly against the hard wood bar top. "Fuck, I _do_ want to fuck him, my own fucking brother..." He trails off, raising his head to rub his reddened forehead lightly. Kisame smiled that same pointy smile again, this time meeting Itachi's black eyes pointedly. 

"Well, you're a incestuous pedophiliac, and I'm a half shark thing. What can I say but -" He drained the rest of the sake in his cup before slamming it down on the bar top with a shit-eating grin, "- welcome to the Akatsuki, bitch!" 


End file.
